TOW The Anniversary
by Monica-Bing
Summary: After five years, can Monica and Chandler survive their rocky relationship? **Epilogue**
1. Chapter One

TOW The Anniversary

Monica couldn't pinpoint the day she had started to dread coming home at the end of the day, but she had.  And even worse, she knew Chandler did, too.  He had started spending as much time with Joey as he could find excuses for…but she didn't care.  She found herself making excuses for him too sometimes, just anxious for a few minutes alone.  Or she might slip out herself under the pretense of shopping with Rachel or jogging with Phoebe… anything to get out of the apartment and away from him.

If they weren't together, they couldn't fight.

She paused outside the door to their apartment to retrieve her keys from her bag.  As she rifled through it, the diamond on her left hand flashed in the light from the hallway, and she sighed, suddenly sad.  She had once believed he was her Prince, that together they would have everything she ever dreamed of.  And maybe they could have, if things had been different.  She tried not to think about might've been's, but sometimes she couldn't help herself.  Her life was nothing as she had once imagined it.  

But both of them still wore their rings…that had to count for something.

She often wondered if he'd ever thought about divorce.  She had…and it had left her in tears.  She didn't want a divorce.  She wanted him… in spite of all their problems, she loved him as much as she ever had.  But she was so tired…of the strain in their lives, of the gulf that seemed to stretch out between them, of the constant bickering that more and more frequently led to huge fights…that led to one of them storming out of the apartment and staying somewhere else for the night.  And when morning came, the one who fled would return, and stony silence would envelope them as they dressed in the same room, ate at the same table, and left the apartment without a kiss or even a goodbye.  

It broke her heart every time.  But no matter how hard she tried, it was an endless circle she couldn't seem to break.  Everything in their lives – every word they said to each other - seemed to lead to another argument.  

Monica sighed and tried the doorknob, feeling her heart sink when it turned easily.  He was already home.  She walked in slowly, trying to hide her anxiety.  She wasn't sure she was prepared to face him again.  Especially since she was late.  Ironically, that was usually the start of most of their arguments, in spite of the fact that they both strived to spend as much time away from the apartment as possible.

The door swung open, and Chandler was standing in front of her, his face pained and anxious.  

"Where have you been?" he demanded, his voice revealing how worried he was in spite of his impatient words.

"At work," Monica replied offhandedly, realizing even as she said it that she was asking for a fight.  But that was how it went these days.  Whether they meant to or not, they were always provoking each other.  Always.

"I called the restaurant an hour ago, Mon.  The phone rang eighteen times and nobody answered.  You would have answered the phone if you'd been there – if only because the ringing was annoying you.  And besides, I called back five minutes later.  You didn't answer your cell either.  So tell me where you really were."

Monica bit her lip, trying to decide whether she should claim she'd known it was him calling and just not answered – therefore making him even more angry – or sarcastically proclaim that she was indeed having an affair – which would make him angry, too -  or tell him the truth – which would still probably make him mad.  Truth won – no matter how bad things were, she still found it incredibly hard to lie to him.  

"I was just walking, Chandler.  I must have forgotten to turn my cell on when I left the restaurant."

"Just walking?" he asked her bitterly, his eyes narrow.  "You were just walking.  Did it occur to you that you might have a husband at home that was worried about you?  This is New York, Monica.  Anything could happen."

"I'm a big girl, Chandler.  And wasn't it you and Ross that always told me how "freakishly strong" I was?"

"Geez, Mon, you think you're just invincible, don't you?  You're the one who used to go pace in the hallway when I was half an hour late and hadn't called."

Monica paused, struck by a wave of nostalgia.  She had – several times.  Once she had even made Joey call the subway office to make sure there hadn't been an accident or a power outage or something.  But Chandler had always had a good excuse for being late – dead cell phone batteries, traffic jams, late afternoon meetings – and she had just been walking.  At 11:30 at night, all by herself in New York City…

"Okay, I should have called.  I just didn't think about it," she admitted softly, finally understanding why he was so upset.

He frowned, staring at her for a moment before he turned away, rubbing his forehead with both hands.

"When you say you didn't think about it, you mean you didn't think about me.  Right?"  He looked up, and Monica was struck by how tired he looked all of the sudden.  Of course, he was sleeping on the couch a lot, so maybe that was catching up with him.

"It was a long day, Chandler…"

"Do you just not think about me at _all_ anymore?  Do you even remember that you _have_ a husband?"

"Of course I remember, Chandler."  She could feel herself getting irritated again when she saw how angry he was.  She wasn't a possession for him to keep track of.  "I'm very well aware of the fact that I'm still married."

"_Are you_, Monica?  Really?  Because I'm starting to think you're trying your best to forget."

"Don't be ridiculous, Chandler," Monica responded hotly.  "Now, if you don't mind, I'm completely exhausted.  I just want to take a bath and go to bed."

"Is that all you have to say?"

            "Yes!  That's all I have to say.  I'm not in the mood for a fight tonight, Chandler.  It'll have to wait for tomorrow."

            He stared at her for a moment, then shook his head.  

            "Tomorrow's too late…" he whispered sadly, but Monica barely heard him.  She was already heading for the bathroom.  Chandler suddenly realized where she was going and lunged over to stop her, but he wasn't quick enough.  He was left standing outside, staring at the closed door.  Five seconds later, the door opened again, and Monica stepped back into the apartment.  

            "What is that?"

            Chandler looked down at his shoes, unable to answer.  Monica gazed at him steadily, and finally stalked past him, stopping in the middle of the living room when she realized that the bathroom was not the only room set up with dozens and dozens of candles.  But while the lights in the bathroom still burned cheerily around the bathtub filled with tepid water and bubbles, the candles in the living room had been blown out and the lights turned back on.  She turned to look back at Chandler, who was watching her, trying to read her expression.  She took a deep breath, trying to give herself time to decide whether she should be touched, wistful, sad, or angry.  

            "Did you do all of this?"

Chandler nodded, his expression unreadable.  She let her eyes drift around the room, wishing that she could see this romantic gesture the way she would have…before.  She used to think it was sweet when he did this sort of thing.  Now…she wasn't sure what his motive was.  She glanced back at him, trying to read his expression.   Maybe he wanted to have sex.  Getting her wet and naked in the tub under a pretense of helping her relax was a good place to start.  She was relatively sure he wasn't cheating, so this would be a logical answer to his sudden, strange behavior.  He had probably hoped that as soon as she saw the candle-lit room, she would fall into his arms and they could both forget their problems for the rest of the night.  If only it were that easy.  A wave of sadness and anger overcame her and she looked at him, trying to read the face of the man she used to know so well.

"Why?"  He remained silent, still measuring her carefully with his eyes.  "Chandler?  Is there a reason you decided tonight would be a good night to pretend things are okay?  That they're just like they used to be?"

Chandler shook his head slowly and backed away from her, looking somehow like a puppy that had just been kicked.  "I'm not pretending everything's okay.  It's more than obvious it's not.  I just thought…"

"Thought what?  That if you lit some candles we would magically be happy again?  It doesn't work that way."

"I've figured that out, Mon.  But thanks for clearing it up,," he responded sarcastically.  She looked at him, trying desperately to hold back her tears - her sadness and frustration over the place where they had found themselves.  Chandler dropped his gaze and turned away from her.  Before she realized what she was doing, she was questioning him irritably, taking everything out on him as usual.  

"What made you think tonight was going to be any different from any other night, Chandler?  Did you think I would come home and just forget?  Forget all of the heartache of the past few months?  Why is today different?  Can you at least turn around and look at me while you tell me?  What made you think today would be special?"

Chandler turned to her, and she was shocked to see the tears running down his cheeks.  Usually the tone of voice she had just used made him want to fight…She looked up at his tear-stained face, and realized deep down that she had just made a big mistake. 

"You want to know why today is special, Monica?"  Chandler wiped his hand across his eyes and kicked the bottom of the counter in frustration.  "Happy Anniversary.  The five best damn years of my pathetic life.  I'm happy to know it means so much to you, too."

Monica stared at the door he had slammed behind him, her mind reeling.  She couldn't believe she had forgotten.  Completely.  She had not given it a thought.  May 15th used to be sacred, and she hadn't even noticed it was close.  

He had gone to so much trouble…trying to make their anniversary special in the midst of this chaos that had consumed them.  And she had completely ruined it.  Completely.  She had taken his conciliatory gesture and thrown it back in his face.  

Five years.  They had been married for five years today.  Chandler had probably come home early to get the apartment ready, cook dinner, and make sure everything was perfect for her.  He always did something special on their anniversary…and he never failed to make her cry with his sweet words and adorable plans.  Tonight was no exception, though her tears were of a different kind.  While he was trying to make their anniversary special in spite of everything they were going through, she had stayed late at the restaurant, intentionally taking as much time as she possibly could cleaning up and then looking for other things to do even after that was done.  And then she had walked home slowly, putting off her arrival at home as long as possible…while he waited.  She wondered how he had felt while he sat in the apartment - by himself on their anniversary - waiting for her to come.    All alone.  

She would make it up to him.  Somehow.  If only he would come home…

She knew he wouldn't be across the hall at Joey's.  That was too obvious, and he wouldn't want her to find him tonight.  He wouldn't be with any of their friends, because then he would have to explain the tear stains on his face.  And, knowing their friends, they would have all realized today was their anniversary and would ask questions if Chandler showed up without her.  But that thought only made her feel worse.

She didn't want to risk leaving to go find him and having him come home to an empty apartment.  She wasn't going to leave until he came back.  Then they would talk about it and she would make it right…somehow.  If he cared enough to go to all this trouble, then he had to want to try…Any doubts that he was still in love with her were gone, and she knew for sure what she wanted.  She would make sure tonight was the beginning of the rest of their lives.  

She wiped her wet cheeks with a tissue, and walked toward their bedroom.  She would change out of her chef's uniform, and then she could think about what she wanted to say to him when he came back.  He would come back.  He had to.  

As soon as she opened the bedroom door, she noticed that the room was lit with even more candles – it must have taken him forever.   She'd had Joey's help the night they got engaged, and it had still taken almost an hour.  And that was just for the living room.  Her gaze fell on the bed, and she heard herself gasp.  A bouquet of red roses lay next to a sealed envelope, with a gorgeous diamond and sapphire bracelet – matching her engagement ring – lying on top of the envelope.  She walked slowly over to the bed, touching the petals of the roses gingerly and turning her attention to the envelope.  The bracelet was beautiful, but she had no interest in it at the moment.  She only cared about the words hidden away in the red envelope – she wanted to know what he had to say to her.

She pulled the card out, staring at the picture of two wedding bands linked together on the front.  She opened it slowly, and read the inside.  _"I Still Do…"_  She sat down weakly on the bed and reached for Chandler's pillow.  She held it close to her chest and breathed in the familiar and comforting scent of him as she turned her attention to Chandler's writing, which filled both sides of the card and part of the back, her tears falling even harder as she started to read.

I know it hasn't been good for us lately.  I know that I've done things to hurt you, whether it was intentional or not.  I know that you dread coming home every day because I dread it too.  But not because of the fighting or the spiteful words or the uncomfortable silence that always comes over us.  I dread it because I know that you're not happy…and that kills me, Mon.  I promised you that I would spend my life trying to make you happy…trying to make you feel the same things that you have made me feel every day that I've loved you.  I meant it then, sweetheart, and I mean it now.  If I could fix everything with a kiss…if I could just say whatever it is that might make "us" okay again, I would do it.  You know I would.  And I know that you would, too.  But I don't know what that one thing is, and every time I think I might be getting close, something else happens that pushes you even further away from me.  

I'm sorry for everything I've said and done that has brought you pain.  I'm sorry for everything I haven't said or done.  I'm sorry for not being the husband you deserve.  And I'm sorry if I made you think for a second that I didn't love you, or that I was ready to give up on us.  I'll never be ready for that.  I love you.  I love you so much that it's breaking my heart not to be able to tell you.  I miss you, Monica.  Even when you're sitting right next to me, I miss you.  

Sweetheart, five years ago I told you that it didn't matter what surprises come our way, because I will always love you.  I will.  I do.  We can get through this together, Monica.  I know we can.  It doesn't matter what the last few months have been like.  As long as I have you by my side, each day is the best day of my life.  And the past five years have been amazing.  I wouldn't trade the worst moment, Mon.  Not the worst.  You are my wife, my best friend, the love of my life.  There will never be anyone but you.  I hope…I pray that you still feel the same way. 

Do you remember the promise you made right after we got married?  When I told Doug we were splitting up to get out of going to dinner, and he took me out to "celebrate"…I asked you to promise you would never leave me, that we would grow old together and be together for the rest of our lives.  And every day, I've thought of that simple "I promise" and the smile you gave me, and I think about how I knew at that moment – even more surely than I did when you said you would marry me, or even when Joey pronounced us husband and wife – just how much I love and need you.  I still do, baby.  I always will.  

Please forgive me.  Please, Mon, please give me a chance to make everything right.  All I want is to love you for the rest of my life.

_Happy Anniversary, sweetheart.  _

Chandler 

            Monica's hands were shaking as she put the letter on the bedside table.  She wasn't sure if she should be comforted by the beautiful words he had written, or afraid that she had just made him believe once and for all that it was over.  

            She lay down on the bed, still clutching his pillow, and gave herself over to tears.  She had never believed it would come to this.  But now she knew for sure how Chandler had felt.  She was alone in their apartment on their five-year anniversary – and she had no idea where her husband was or when he would be home.  

            But she knew that she wanted him with her.  She wanted to hug him and kiss him and reassure him that he was still everything she wanted.  She wanted to tell him that she intended to keep her promises to him – all of them.

            If he would just come home.  

            _To Be Continued?  I don't know…probably not.  This is pretty clichéd, so I doubt there'll be much interest.  =)  I was bored so I just started writing.  I've got two or three other half-started stories, too, so I'm not sure which ones (if any) that I'll finish.  We'll see!_


	2. Chapter Two

TOW The Anniversary 

Chapter Two

Thanks for all of the reviews!!  I really didn't think the first chapter was all that great, but…thanks anyway.  =)  So here's the second chapter.  Most of it was written before the finale, but I tried to make it (mostly) fit with what happened – so if you haven't seen it, this contains minor, minor spoilers.  And just for the record, I can't WAIT for C&M to have a baby (if they do), but I didn't want any kids involved in this story – that just makes it worse.  So, I hope you enjoy.  Sorry if some of Chandler's part is a bit drawn out, but I tried to make their problems seem realistic…whether I accomplished that or not, I don't know.  Okay, enough talk.  

Chandler downed the last of his beer and glanced at the clock on the wall.  Their anniversary was long over and for the first time in his relationship with Monica, he had the foreboding sense that they might never have another one.  He dreaded the confrontation that was sure to come, but it had to happen.  Together or apart, he had to know.  He couldn't keep going like this...she would have to make a decision.  By now, she would have read the card, and she knew how he felt.  It was all up to her now.

            He motioned to the bartender to bring him one more, vowing to himself that when the glass was empty, he would go.  Maybe not home yet, but somewhere else.  He wasn't going to risk sitting here all night, drinking too much, and doing something he would regret.  His record with women and alcohol was not great - the party when he hooked up with Joey's sister and that ill-fated Valentine's Day when Joey's date set him up with Janice and they ended up in bed were prime examples.  There was no way he was going to mix too much alcohol with the fate of his marriage.  

            He took a sip of the fresh, cold drink sitting in front of him and sighed deeply, fighting the tears away again.  

            He couldn't believe it had come to this.  

            He kept seeing Monica's face, and the look of pure shock that had crossed it when she realized what today was supposed to be.  He wasn't sure if knowing that she had really forgotten - not just "intentionally" forgotten to make him mad – made him feel better or worse.  He just knew that it hurt.  

He knew he wouldn't have even cared that she had forgotten if their relationship was like it should be.  God knows she had forgiven him for manythings much worse than forgetting their anniversary over the years.  He would have just been happy that his surprise was that much more surprising – and besides, when Monica forgot important things, it usually led to great meals and _lots_ of sex.   

            But things weren't right.  And he couldn't help thinking the whole thing was symbolic.  He couldn't really explain why it was so important, but it was.  The moment he realized she had not even given a _thought _to their anniversary was the first time he had really believed that their marriage might not be fixable.  

            Chandler pushed the drink away from him and stood up, digging in his pocket for the bills to cover his tab.  All of the sudden, he heard Richard Burke's voice, clear as day.

            "Go get her, Chandler.  And if you do get her…don't ever let her go."

            He almost looked around to see if Richard was standing behind him, but he knew the voice was only in his head.  Just a reminder from his heart that Monica was the best thing that ever happened to him.  

            Richard had told him that as if he didn't know.  He hadn't needed to hear it then anymore than he did now.  He knew what he had; he knew just how special Monica was.  And he had never had any intention of letting her get away.  That was the difference between him and the men in her past.

            He didn't have to lose her to know how much he loved her.  But he wasn't going to try to make her stay in the marriage if it wasn't what she wanted.  He loved her too much to force her to stay.  He would live the rest of his life with a broken heart rather than make her unhappy for another minute.  

            He turned his steps toward home, wondering what he would find when he got there.  It didn't really matter.  All he could do now was tell her how much he loved her and wanted her to stay… and hope his love was enough to make her want to.

Chandler stopped outside the door to his apartment, staring at the "20" that hung on the door as if it could give him all the answers.  He wasn't ready for this.  He knew he wasn't.  He almost turned around and walked back down the stairs, but he couldn't.  He turned the knob slowly, feeling a moment of worry when he realized his wife had been alone in the apartment for hours with the door unlocked.  He should have called Joey, just so he could make sure she was okay.

He walked in quietly, feeling a little disappointed when Monica didn't appear immediately to throw herself into his arms.  He glanced around the kitchen, noting that the uneaten dinner was still on the table.  He didn't even give it a second glance.  There were much more important things to worry about then cleaning up – though he was surprised Monica had allowed it to sit there.  

There was no sign of her in the living room, so Chandler headed for their bedroom, pausing before he opened the door.  He hoped the silence indicated that she was already asleep.  Anything to save his heart for one more night.  

He pushed the door open slowly, and immediately had to swallow hard to keep the lump in his throat from choking him.  She was lying on the bed – yes, asleep – facing the door with her dark hair fanned out on the pillow, her cheeks stained with tears and her eyes red and puffy.  She was clutching the card he had left for her, and the roses and bracelet were lying forgotten at the foot of the bed.  

He stared at her for several minutes before he took the few steps to the side of the bed and knelt down beside her.  He brushed a few strands of hair away from her eyes with his hand, then let one finger lightly trace her cheek, careful not to wake her up.  He had always loved to watch her sleep.  

He lost track of time as he knelt beside her, watching her.  He longed to crawl into the bed and wrap his arms around her and stay right there for the next fifty years.  Instead, he remained where he was, one thing running through his head over and over.  _God, I love you._  He finally sighed, reached for her hand and carefully removed the card from her grasp, sitting it up on the table beside her lamp.  He grabbed the pen and pad of paper that Monica kept next to the lamp "just in case" and wrote a quick note, placing it on his empty pillow and hoping she would at least roll over to see if he was there the next morning.   Then he reached for her hand again and rested his cheek against it for a moment before kissing her finger just below her wedding band.  

Without a word, he stood up, leaning over to smooth her hair away from her face again and place a gentle kiss on her forehead.  He realized with a start that he had not kissed her lips in weeks.  

Weeks.  

With another long look back at her, he closed the bedroom door quietly behind him, hoping she would sleep until morning.  He glanced around the living room one last time to make sure all of the candles were out, then he headed for the door.  

Joey was sitting in his recliner when Chandler walked in, staring blindly at the t.v. screen with a slice of pizza in one hand.  Chandler watched him for a minute, trying to decide if he was awake or asleep.  He shook his head and slammed the door, making Joey jump out of the chair - holding the pizza in front of him as a weapon.  Chandler couldn't help but laugh at him in spite of the fact that his life was falling apart.  Joey would always be Joey.

"Chandler, what the hell are you doing scaring me like that?  It's four in the morning!  Why are you even awake?"

Chandler raised his eyebrows, and glanced pointedly at Joey's pizza.

"Take it easy, Joe.  Now, put the pizza down – slowly."

Joey glared at him and dropped the pizza into the near-empty box as he collapsed back into his chair.  He turned his head toward the t.v. as Chandler sat down in the chair next to him, pouting for a moment until his curiosity got the best of him.

"You look like hell, man.  What's up?"

Chandler sighed and leaned back in the chair.  

"You up for an all-nighter, Joey?"

Joey's worried expression deepened as he wiped his hands on a paper napkin and sat forward, elbows on his knees.

"Another job transfer?"  In spite of his effort at nonchalance, Chandler could tell that the thought didn't appeal to Joey at all.

"No, no transfer.  Worse."

"Worse?  What's worse than moving across the country?"  In a moment of insight, Joey nodded knowingly.  "Monica, huh?"  

Chandler bit his lip, giving Joey all the answer he needed.  

"You guys had a fight?"

"Something like that."  He suddenly wished they hadn't tried to hide their problems from their friends.  They had agreed without discussing it that in front of anyone else, they would still be the perfect couple – madly in love and sickeningly happy. 

As far as Joey knew, everything was fine.  "The Bings" were good actors.  

"So, what did you fight about?  Whatever it was, it won't last long.  You two can never stay mad at each other.  It's really kind of pathetic how terrible you two are at the fighting thing."

Joey regretted his words immediately when Chandler's eyes welled up with tears and he started to sob quietly.

"Joey…I think…I think it might be over."

Joey's face showed surprise, before he adopted a sympathetic smile and leaned over to pat Chandler on the shoulder.  

"I'm sorry, man.  But look, the honeymoon couldn't last forever.  And hey, if you're lucky you'll still get it three or four times a week."

Chandler looked up at him, his exasperation at Joey bordering on anger.  

"Joey, I'm not talking about sex!"  Little did Joey know, the "honeymoon" had been over for a long time.  "I'm talking…I'm talking about our marriage.  I think Monica wants a divorce."   Did saying it out loud mean it was really true?

"DIVORCE!"  Joey hesitated only a split second to let the word sink in before he leapt out of his chair and pointed one finger accusingly at Chandler.  "Are you crazy?   You and Monica are not getting a divorce.  I won't allow it!"

"If I can't stop it, I don't know what you can do," Chandler stated despondently.

"I can do plenty.  I was the minister that married you."

Chandler raised one eyebrow and shrugged.  "So?"

"So?!  So, I'll…well, I can…okay, you have a point.  But you guys _can't_ get divorced."  Joey was whining now, but Chandler found it strangely comforting.  It made the whole thing seem a little less devastating.  

Chandler closed his eyes and sighed.  "Joey, I don't want to get divorced.  I – I love her. So much.  I don't even know if I can survive without her."

"So don't get divorced.  Fix it, Chandler.  This is _you and Monica_."  Joey waved his arms around, his voice deepening dramatically.  "You don't get divorced over one little fight."  He stopped as his gaze fell on Chandler's tortured face.  "It's not just one little fight, is it?"

Chandler shook his head slowly and buried his face in his hands.  

"No, it's a lot more than one little fight."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"We didn't tell anyone.  I guess…I guess we were just trying to keep from admitting it to ourselves."

"So…what happened?"

"I…I'm not sure I know.  It's like Monica and I forgot to…talk.  And it just got out of control."

"But you guys were always so happy."

"Yeah…we were.  But it didn't just happen all of the sudden.  I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I think we started going downhill almost as soon as we got married."

"But that was five years ago."

"Yeah, but think about it, Joey.  How much time did Monica and I have to be newlyweds?  We didn't even have our wedding day to ourselves.  First I thought Monica was pregnant, then we spent the next few hours trying to figure out who _was_ pregnant…and then there was "who's the father" and "Rachel's gonna be a mom"…  By the time we left for the honeymoon, our wedding was old news.  So we acted accordingly.  Instead of spending more time together and just…being in love like we should have been, we got pulled in the Ross and Rachel saga and… baby showers and…you falling in love with Rachel…"  Chandler paused, still not sure how Joey would react to that reminder.  (AN: I am desperate for Joey and Rachel to get together, but if they had in this story, then Rachel and Emma would be living with Joey, and it just doesn't work.  So excuse the lapse…)  When it didn't seem to faze him, Chandler went on, his voice shaking with frustration.  "I mean, come on.  We spent our first Valentine's Day as husband and wife watching a birthing video with Rachel.  We couldn't touch each other for a week!"

"But, Chandler-"

"But it was okay, because we were still madly, completely in love.  And we were happy.  Really happy." Chandler continued as if Joey hadn't spoken.  "And then Emma was born.  And it was great, and she's wonderful and we love her…but it changed everything.  I knew Monica wanted a baby, and I knew I wanted one, too, and the timing was good… so we decided to start trying.  God, Joey…when I married Monica, I really thought that my love for her was as complete as love could ever be.  But I was wrong.  That moment when she looked at me and smiled and asked me if we were trying…it changed my life.  It made me love her in a completely different way.  And everything was great for a while.  We'd stay awake all night talking about baby names - since Rachel took Emma - and how we would decorate the spare room…  We were dreaming and planning our future… I can honestly say I've never been happier than I was for those few months.  Everything just seemed right."

"So what happened?  What changed your mind about a baby?"

"Nothing.  But when it didn't happen after a couple of months…well, Monica started panicking.  I did, too, I guess.  We had never questioned the fact that we could have as many kids as we wanted to, and we both just assumed it would happen as soon as we decided we wanted it to.  I think we both got scared that it might not be that easy, so we went into full-fledged baby mode.  Sex quit being about love and intimacy – it was all about a baby.  Monica spent every waking moment that we _weren't _having sex with Rachel and Emma, and I actually started working.  I think that's when we stopped talking like we used to.  We just didn't seem to have time."

Joey stared at him, unable to believe what he was hearing.  This had to be some elaborate joke.  But he really didn't think Chandler would joke about his relationship with Monica.  At least not to this extent.

"Are you telling me this has been going on for _years_?"

Chandler sat there, staring in front of him, and shook his head slowly.

"No.  When her father had his heart attack, Monica and I had a long talk and we agreed that it wasn't a good time for a baby.  She wanted to help take care of Jack, and we thought the family had had enough life-changing for the time being.    We even talked about how much stress we'd both been under with the whole baby thing and decided that we would just quit "trying" for a while and try to let things happen naturally.  And it worked.  Our relationship slowly got back to normal…and we talked about the things that were bothering us instead of being afraid that it would hurt the other.  It felt like it used to again, and even though we both still wanted a baby, our relationship was back on track."

"But…?" Joey questioned, anxious to get to the part of the story where Chandler told him what was wrong _now. _ 

"But…" Chandler sighed and rubbed his forehead.  "Last year, I was offered the job in Jacksonville."

"But you didn't take it.  How could that cause problems?"

"Because that was the beginning of the end.  The first really big fight."

"You told me you didn't even want to take the job."

"I didn't."

Joey scrunched up his face, confused again.  "So what's the problem?  Monica made it pretty clear she didn't want to move either, so everything worked out."

"That was the problem.  When I told her about it…well, Monica's never been one to hide how she feels.  She just kind of stared at me for a minute and shook her head and told me we weren't going.  And…I don't know, I guess it made me mad that she didn't even want to consider it.  She didn't ask me what I thought or how I felt about it.  She just decided for both of us.  So I asked her what she would do if I went without her."

"What did she say?"

Chandler shook his head.  "Nothing.  She just stared at me – I've never seen Monica so mad – and then she had the nerve to accuse me of wanting to move so I could put off a baby even longer."

"But you didn't – "

"She didn't give me the chance to tell her I didn't want to take it.  She just said what she said and then stalked into the bedroom.  I slept on the couch for two weeks."

"But you made up, right?  You both seemed fine when you told the rest of us that you weren't going."

"That's the thing.  We never really made up.  I told her I'd never wanted to go anyway, and she admitted she should have been more understanding and heard me out.  But we never apologized to each other – we never even talked about the things we had said, or even about the decision not to go.  We just tried to pretend nothing had happened – I guess we both thought that with the decision made, there was no reason to discuss it.   But things never went back to normal after that.  For a while, we kind of bickered, nothing major.  I didn't think that much about it – we've always done that, you know?  But then after a while, it stopped being sarcastic comments that left us laughing like it used to.  I kept thinking about her accusing me of not _really _ wanting a baby.  I felt like she didn't trust me, and I guess she was wondering if I would threaten to leave her again.  Maybe she thought I didn't trust her either.  All the little squabbles started to feel like one big fight.  And then that's what it became.  Every conversation became an argument.  If one of us came home late, a simple "Where were you?" turned into a screaming match.  If I didn't clean up the kitchen after I made toast in the morning, Monica would be slamming pots and pans around for three days."

Chandler paused and cleared his throat to try to keep his voice from breaking.  He couldn't believe he was spilling all of this out to Joey, but it made him feel a little better.  Still, he felt strangely detached from the words he was saying, and that was the only thing that kept him sane. He had repeated the words over and over to himself -  trying to find some rationale for what had happened – and by now he was just reciting the monologue he had written on countless nights spent lying awake in his bed, staring at Monica and not daring to even put his arms around her.  

"It…just kind of snowballed.  'I'm sorry' disappeared from our vocabulary.  So did 'I love you'.  Eventually, we stopped talking to avoid arguments.  We both started working later and later…instead of running home to see each other every day after work, we started competing to see who could stay out later.  I started hanging out here, Monica started watching Emma most of the time, and in a way, I think that just made it worse because it reminded both of us of the baby we didn't have, the threats and accusations we had started making on a daily basis, and just what our marriage had become.  She used to be my best friend, Joey.  I told her everything.  Nothing in my life was a secret from her.  And now…we've been avoiding each other like the plague.  Day-to-day conversations were reserved for when we were with you guys and were pretending…  I haven't kissed her in weeks.  And I haven't told her I loved her – to her face, at least – in even longer than that.  Our whole marriage just fell apart.  I'm miserable, she's miserable…and even though I love her with all my heart and I will do anything to be able to spend the rest of my life with her, I'm starting to think she would be better off without me."

Joey sat in silence, absolutely stunned.  How this could have been happening without the rest of the group noticing was beyond his comprehension.  The look on Chandler's face told Joey how devastated he was.  He honestly thought Monica wanted a divorce.  Of course, Joey had no idea how Monica felt, but he just couldn't imagine the two of them apart.  

They were Chandler and Monica.  The definition of destiny.

Joey snapped back to attention when Chandler sighed, his voice finally breaking when he spoke. 

"She – she forgot our anniversary."

"Monica?  Are you sure?  Maybe she just didn't want to celebrate."

"No, she forgot.  And under any other circumstances, I couldn't have cared less.  But, Joey, it was like the final nail in the coffin.  I lit candles and bought her roses…I wanted tonight to be special.  I wanted to tell her how much I love her and want to be with her, and try to start over, I guess.  And instead, she got mad – I'm not really sure why – and asked me why I thought tonight would change anything…Why tonight was _special_.  So I wished her a happy anniversary, told her that the five years we've been married have been the greatest of my life, and walked out."

"Chandler…"

"I know it probably wasn't the best idea, Joey, but it's what I did."

"Go home, Chandler.  Talk to her, work it out.  Monica loves you.  She's probably hurting as much as you are."

"I hope she's not.  I'd hate to know that I was causing her any pain."

"But you won't know what she wants until you talk to her."

"I know.  But she was asleep when I came home, and I…as much as this is killing me, I'd rather have just a few more hours of hoping…that maybe, just maybe, it's not all over."

"Chandler," Joey began, his voice unusually firm.  "Go across the hall right now – wake her up if you have to – and tell her how you feel.  Tell her how much you love her, and how much it's hurting you to watch your relationship fall apart.  Tell her everything you just told me – what you think happened – and ask her what she thinks about it.  Just hold her.  I don't know what you need to do, but you have to fix this.  This is your life we're talking about."

"Don't you think I know that!"  Chandler stood up and turned his back to Joey, wiping his hand across his face in utter despair.  "I know that if she leaves me, I will never be the same again.  I know that the whole world will be…gray…and cold.  Wherever she is, she'll have my heart for the rest of my life.  It won't matter if we celebrate a fifty-year anniversary or if the dream I let myself believe in all dissolves tonight…I'll love her for the rest of my life."

"Chandler, don't tell me.  Tell Monica.  Go.  Tell her now.  She might be thinking that you're the one that wants out.  Can you stand for her to think that for another minute?"

"No…no, I don't want her to think that."

"She's right across the hall."

Chandler turned to look at the door, and Joey watched as he took a deep breath and nodded.  Without another word, he walked into the hallway, then turned to look back at Joey before he opened the door to his apartment.

Joey smiled encouragingly and nodded.  

He had never seen Chandler look so scared in his life.

_Ummm…okay.  Next chapter's coming…can't promise when, but I'll try.  =)_


	3. Chapter Three

TOW The Anniversary (Chapter 3)

I really intended to post this last weekend…but I was stuck.  Hopelessly.  So, I apologize for the delay, but it's finally written.  I'm sure it's not as great as some of you were hoping, but it'll have to do.  This is what came out when I started typing.  =)  Oh, yeah, and the song at the beginning just seemed to fit, so I included it.   It's by Westlife.  

_Another day   
Without your smile   
Another day just passes by   
But now I know   
How much it means   
For you to stay   
Right here with me   
  
The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger   
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer   
  
I wanna grow old with you   
I wanna die lying in your arms   
I wanna grow old with you   
I wanna be looking in your eyes   
I wanna be there for you   
Sharing everything you do   
I wanna grow old with you   
  
A thousand miles between us now   
It causes me to wonder how   
Our love tonight remains so strong   
It makes our risk right all along   
  
The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger   
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer   
_  
_I wanna grow old with you   
I wanna die lying in your arms   
I wanna grow old with you   
I wanna be looking in your eyes   
I wanna be there for you   
Sharing everything you do   
I wanna grow old with you   
  
Things can come and go I know but   
Baby I believe   
Something's burning strong between us   
Makes it clear to me   
  
I wanna grow old with you   
I wanna die lying in your arms   
I wanna grow old with you   
I wanna be looking in your eyes   
I wanna be there for you   
Sharing everything you do   
I wanna grow old with you_

Chandler entered as quietly as he could, not sure if she was still asleep or not.  He didn't have to wonder long.  When he shut the door and turned back around, she was standing in the doorway to their bedroom, her eyes seeking his.  He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as they stood there staring at each other, all of the rehearsed speeches forgotten in the moment of truth.  

Just as the silence was becoming unbearable for both of them, Monica lowered her eyes and turned slightly away from him hugging herself with her arms.

            "I'm sorry, Chandler.  I really just…I just forgot.  I didn't do it on purpose."

            Chandler sighed deeply and nodded.  At least she was talking.

"I know you didn't do it on purpose, Monica.  I'm not mad anymore.  I just…I think we need to talk.  About a lot more than just tonight." 

            Monica nodded slightly – just once.  Of course there was more to talk about.  And they both knew that they couldn't avoid it any longer.  They had reached the breaking point.  

            "What did you tell Joey?" she asked him quietly, hoping her voice didn't tell him how hurt she had been when she woke up to discover he had come home just long enough to leave her a note saying he was going to Joey's.  

            "Everything," Chandler responded reluctantly, wishing now that he hadn't left the note.  It might be easier if she didn't know he had confided in their friend.  And it was a cruel reminder that if their marriage ended tonight, the other four would have to go through the process of choosing sides, arranging schedules, trying to be there for both of them…it had been bad enough with Ross and Rachel.  He could only imagine what a divorce – a real one, not a Vegas quickie – would do to their friends.  

            Monica nodded simply, not surprised.  She had been wondering how long it would be before Chandler broke down and talked to Joey.  She had wanted to pour everything out to Rachel and Phoebe for weeks.  Monica knew Joey had probably been devastated to hear how bad things had gotten.  In spite of his womanizing ways, deep down Joey was the most romantic of all of them.  Maybe it was his naivety…but he still believed in happily ever after.     

"What did he say?"

Chandler ran his hands through his hair nervously and then let his arms hang helplessly in the air for half a second before he dropped them back to his side.

"He…He told me to come home and tell you how I felt."  __

            Monica felt herself shiver.  She moved a couple of steps toward him, then took a deep breath and asked the obvious question without giving herself time to be afraid of the answer.  

            "How do you feel?"  

            Her eyes were glued to his face, knowing that his answer could very well change everything.  He fleetingly wondered what she might be thinking – what she was hoping he would say.  Pushing the thought away, he shifted his weight and glanced down at the floor for courage.  He was going to put everything out there, and she had to decide whether to break his heart or heal it.    

            "I feel…I feel frustrated…and sad…and I feel like I'm living my worst nightmare.  I feel my heart breaking every day, and I have no idea how to stop it from happening.  I feel like I've failed at the only thing I ever really cared about succeeding at.  I feel like I'm hurting you just by being in your life.  And I feel like maybe you would be happier if I wasn't here."  Monica's face had paled several shades, and she looked like she was going to pass out.  Chandler took several steps toward her – primarily to be close enough to catch her if she did.   Her obvious distress gave him the strength to continue, his voice almost a whisper.  "But I'm in love with my wife.  And I know that I will do anything to make you happy."

Chandler was close enough now to touch her, and he reached out a hand to gently brush a tear from her cheek as she stared at him silently, then let his hand drop back to his side.

            "I'll even leave if you ask me to, Monica," he whispered, his voice breaking.  "I'm not going to pretend it wouldn't kill me to do it, but I will if…"  He paused and sighed deeply, stuffing his hands in his pockets as if the gesture might help protect him from her answer, his eyes begging her for the right one.  "Is…is that what you want?"

            Monica's shoulders were shaking with silent sobs, but her eyes didn't leave his face.  He waited for the heartbreaking nod he had already resigned himself to receiving, but it didn't come.  Instead, she touched his shoulder with one hand and shook her head slowly – emphatically – back and forth, a sad smile barely touching her features.  

            "No.  That's not what I want."

            She saw deep relief – accompanied with a tiny smile of hope – flash across his face, but he quickly grew serious again.

            "You don't want a divorce?" he queried, needing clarification, still certain that he had just misinterpreted her words.

            "I don't want a divorce."  Monica confirmed, then took a deep breath before she asked the question herself, needing to hear him say it even though his answer was already obvious.  "Do you?"

            Chandler shook his head, managing a quiet "No." – wondering why she had to ask and feeling like he might collapse at any moment.  He reached behind him, feeling for the couch so he would know he had something solid to support him if he did.  

            She didn't want a divorce.

            "Then what do you want?" he asked her gently as he leaned against the arm of the couch, praying that it was something he could give her.  He hoped she wasn't about to suggest an open marriage or some other equally ludicrous way of "divorcing" without the actual papers.  He knew the very thought of Monica doing that was ridiculous and he almost laughed out loud.  But the tender, serious look on her face quickly erased the thought, and he concentrated on her blue eyes as he waited for her to speak.

            "I want my husband back," Monica whispered, finally feeling courageous enough to close the distance between them and reach out to take his hands in hers.  "I want us to be happy again.  I want to grow old together and be together for the rest of our lives, just like I promised."

            Chandler drew a shaky breath – glad he was already sitting on the arm of the couch - and squeezed her hands, then pulled her gently into his arms.  

            "Me too," he whispered as he buried his face in her hair as her tears started to fall, trying to hold in his own sobs but not succeeding.  He could not describe the relief that swept over him when she said those words, and he was content to just hold her for now.  Later, questions would have to be asked, and thought given to all that had happened between them.  They couldn't just ignore it.  But he knew that right now there was no way he was going to let her out of his arms any time soon.   

            After a few moments, he felt Monica shift in his arms, and she pulled back just enough to look at him seriously.

            "Did you really think I wanted a divorce?"

            Chandler nodded slowly, keeping his arms securely around her waist.  

            "I was scared to death."

            "But you would have given me one?"

            Chandler hesitated, then pulled her back toward him.

            "Yes, I would have.  It would've been the hardest thing I've ever done, but I would have."

            Monica placed her head back on his chest, contemplating this.  They were both silent for a few minutes, just holding each other.

            "I was so worried when you left, Chandler," Monica murmured, her words muffled against his chest.  "I didn't know what to do.  And when I read your card…It was so sweet and wonderful, and I was absolutely positive I had just convinced you that you shouldn't have written any of it."

            "I meant every word," Chandler assured her gently, stroking her hair with one hand.

            "I'm so sorry.  For everything."

            "I know, sweetie.  I'm sorry, too."

            _Sweetie._  Monica smiled against his chest, realizing for the first time how long it had been since they had used any of their familiar terms of affection.  She lifted her head to look at him, gently running her hand through his hair as she smiled at him.

            "I love you."  She couldn't remember how long it had been since she had said those words out loud.  She could feel a burden lifting from her heart the moment she said the words.  It had been too long.

            No one could have missed the way Chandler's eyes lit up.   He gave her a full, sincere smile, and leaned forward to kiss her gently on the lips.

            "I love you too."  He sighed and tightened his arms around her.  "I don't ever want to relive this night.  Not ever.  It was horrible.  That night at the bar with Doug was nothing.  Tonight I really thought I might have to live the rest of my life without you."

            "I know.  It's a terrifying thought, isn't it?"

            "Mmm hmmm.  Let's not ever think it again."

            "Deal."  Monica stroked Chandler's cheek, smiling when he smiled at her.  "Happy Anniversary, sweetheart.  I'm sorry I'm a little late."

            "Better late than never," Chandler told her, and Monica swallowed hard as she nodded.  Chandler kissed her forehead, then her lips.  "Happy Anniversary, Mon."

            _One more chapter to go – sort of an epilogue, I guess.  I always seem to have one of those.  The reconciliation may have been a little too easy – I don't know, I've never been married, so I've certainly never been close to a divorce.  I did try to make it seem realistic, but again, this is what came out.  =)  Hope everyone had a WONDERFUL Memorial Day weekend!  (And now, I'm off to the lake…yippee!!)_


	4. Epilogue

TOW The Anniversary (Epilogue) 

AN: Sorry this took so long, I've been easily sidetracked lately.  Anyway, here's the epilogue – feels like I've spent more time trying to write this than the whole rest of the story!  

****

****

**Six months later…**

            "Monica!"  Chandler impatiently glanced at his watch again, then at the closed door to their bedroom.  "Honey, come on!  We're gonna be late."

            "I'm coming, Chandler, hold on!"  A moment later, Monica stepped out of the bedroom, still putting on her earrings.  Chandler's mouth dropped open as he took in her appearance.  He glanced down at his own simple khakis and dress shirt, then back at Monica with a frown.

            "Where are _you_ going?"

            Monica shot him a startled glance and shrugged.  "Same place you are.  Why?"

            "Are you trying to pick up the doctor?" Chandler asked her sarcastically, still incredulous.  She looked like she was heading out for a night on the town – an expensive night on the town.  He wasn't even wearing a tie.

            "Of course not…what's wrong with you?  I just want to look nice."

            "Monica, it's our last session with our marriage counselor, not the Emmys."

            "I know…"  Monica was avoiding his eyes, and Chandler stifled a laugh when he recognized the look on her face.

            "Sweetie, I seriously doubt that anyone in the office is going to care that we've made it through our self-prescribed dose of therapy.  Except maybe Grant, and that's just because he's going to miss the extra money in his pocket.  What do you think they're going to do, throw a party?"

            Monica shrugged and reached for her jacket.  

            "Of course I don't think they'll throw us a party.  But they might do a… sort of graduation…thing."

            Chandler smiled at his anything-but-subtle wife and slipped his arms lovingly around her waist.  

            "I don't think you can "graduate" from counseling, Mon.  Besides, I've seen pictures.  You didn't dress like that for your high school _or_ college graduation."

            "Okay, fine.  I'll go change."  Monica pouted as she turned to go back to their bedroom, but Chandler caught her hand and pulled her back to him.

            "Nah, don't change.  You look beautiful, and I want everyone to know that you're mine."  Monica smiled softly as Chandler kissed her on the nose.  "Besides, we're already late…and I wouldn't mind seeing Grant's face when you walk into his office.  I'll take great pleasure in reminding him that you're there **_with me_** for **_marriage_ **counseling." 

"You just like to gloat, you big baby," Monica teased as she rolled her eyes and kissed him.  

            "Hey, it's not my fault that you love me.  But as long as you do, I might as well rub it in to every other man in the city."

            Monica rolled her eyes again, but gave him a pleased smile before she headed out the door without him.  He caught up to her quickly and grabbed her hand as they walked down the stairs and out to Monica's Porsche.   Chandler didn't miss the looks Monica was getting as she put on her sunglasses and slid into the driver's seat, but he just smiled.  They could look all they wanted.  He'd never felt more secure in his marriage.

            "It's hard to believe it's only been six months," he commented quietly, resting his arm on the back of her headrest and gently tickling the back of her neck with his fingers as she pulled out into traffic.  Monica glanced at him with a wry smile and squeezed his knee affectionately.

            "It does seem like we're a lifetime away from that night, doesn't it?"

            "Yeah…I'm proud of us, though."

            "I'm proud of us, too.  I'm starting to think the whole thing was harder on our friends than it was on us."

            Chandler laughed softly as he remembered their friends' reaction to the news that they had hit a rough patch.  Ross had glared at him for days on end, not seeming to care that they were already on their way to reconciliation.  Phoebe had started reading their horoscopes to them _every day_, though it was always more than obvious that she was doctoring them to promise only love and happiness and never any discord.  Rachel had shamelessly encouraged Emma to tell her aunt and uncle how much she loved them and to compliment them on everything from how pretty they looked in their wedding pictures to how much fun she had with them – together.  In the meantime, Rachel herself had grown strangely nostalgic, reliving countless memories from years past – all of them somehow related to Chandler and Monica's relationship and how great and happy they were together.  

            And Joey…with Rachel and Phoebe's help, he had plotted countless schemes to give them romantic time together – setting up candlelight dinners so they could relax together when they got home, planning trips for the group that turned into trips for Chandler and Monica when the rest of the group suddenly had conflicts, sending Monica roses at the restaurant with a card claiming they were from Chandler… Chandler and Monica had accepted all of it good naturedly, and had even teased their friends that they were acting like children who wanted their parents to get back together.  But in actuality, they didn't mind too much.  It was nice to know their friends cared so much about their relationship.  

Sometimes, however, their well-meaning friends just made things worse…

            **_Flashback – a few weeks after C&M's anniversary._**

****

            "Monica, don't you think we should talk about it before we make a decision?"

            "We're talking about it now."

            "But you already said yes!  I thought we agreed to take some time and just concentrate on us for awhile."

            "Chandler, if you're that upset about it I can tell them I changed my mind."

            Chandler shook his head as he opened the door to their apartment and they walked in, oblivious to the fact that Joey and Phoebe were standing in front of the window, staring down at Ross and Rachel's apartment.  They both turned around quickly when Chandler and Monica walked in, ready to explain, but Chandler and Monica didn't even look their way.

            "You shouldn't have told them yes in the first place."

            "It's my _job_, Chandler.  I can't just ignore it."

            "But you don't _have_ to do this new restaurant thing.  It's not like they're going to fire you if you tell them it's not a good time for you to start a new project."

            "Fine, I'll tell them I can't do it.  Will that make you happy?"

            "No, it won't.  I don't want to be the big, bad husband that tells my wife she _can't_ do something."

            "Well, Chandler, that's what you're doing."

            "I didn't say you couldn't do it!" Chandler said, exasperated.  "I just said I wish you had talked to me about it first.  Isn't that what we said we would do?  Talk about things?"

            "Stop it!" Joey interrupted loudly, and Monica and Chandler turned toward him, surprised to find two of their friends standing in the corner, both looking upset.  "Quit fighting!"

            "Joey, Phoebs?"  Chandler questioned, and looked around the apartment to make sure they had entered the right one.  "Do you know you don't live here?"

            "Yeah…" Joey admitted, sheepish.  "We're playing hide and seek with Ross and Rachel and we were watching to see if they were hiding in Ross's apartment." 

            "Hide and Seek?  Please tell me you're playing with Emma."

            "No," Phoebe stated matter-of-factly.  "Emma's sleeping over at Carol and Susan's.  Something about quality time with Ben."

            Chandler shook his head, questions plaguing him in abundance.  Why were Ben and Emma with Carol and Susan and not with their mutual parent – Ross?  Why on _earth_ were four adults nearing forty playing hide and seek, with_out_ the benefit of blaming it on a four-year-old?  And even worse, cheating?  And why, oh why, hadn't he and Monica learned by now to start locking their door?

            He asked none of them.  Instead, he glanced at Monica, who just shrugged.  

            "Okay…" Chandler conceded reluctantly, knowing that trying to get them to elaborate would be futile.  They might get legitimate – though reluctant - answers from Ross and Rachel, but Phoebe and Joey would just talk them in circles, thinking they were making perfect sense the whole time.  The two culprits shared a quick look of relief that they had gotten off so easy.  Chandler and Monica had been a little weird about people being in their apartment since they found out the truth about what happened to their door while they were on their honeymoon.  Joey and Phoebe had never known why they got so upset – the new door looked _exactly_ like the old one. 

            "Hey, Joe, why don't you guys go find Ross and Rachel.  Chandler and I have some things to talk about."

            Joey's alarm rapidly returned, and he shook his head violently.  

            "No!  If we leave, you'll keep fighting!"

            "We weren't fighting, Joey.  Just…discussing."

            "You were fighting.  We heard you!"  Joey's pouted like a pro, his gaze slightly accusatory.  "Tell us what's wrong, and we'll help."

            "We weren't fighting," Chandler snapped, more sharply than he had intended.  

            "Don't talk to him like that," Monica admonished him.  "He's only trying to help."

            "Oh, I'm sorry.  I didn't realize that our problems were public knowledge."

            "Problems?  So now this is a _problem?_  If I recall correctly, you're the one that told Joey all_ about_ our problems."

            "So now it's all my fault, is it?  That's typical."

            "YES!  It's all your fault.  Everything is your fault.  That is exactly what I said, and it's certainly what I meant," Monica told him, her voice dripping sarcasm.

            "STOP!" Joey finally cried, near tears.  Phoebe just looked shocked, and a little embarrassed.  "Stop it.  I'm sorry.  Just don't fight.  Please."

            Chandler looked from Joey to Monica and back again, feeling guilty.  But this was precisely the reason they didn't like to discuss serious issues in front of their friends. 

            "It's okay, Joey.  We're sorry, too.  Look, why don't you guys just give us some time alone.  We'll work it out.  I promise."

            "No fighting?" Joey asked hopefully.

            "No fighting," Monica assured him, elbowing Chandler to prompt his agreement.

            "No fighting." 

            "Okay," Joey relented, relieved.  He and Phoebe left together, and Monica collapsed onto the couch, looking up at Chandler.

            "That was uncalled for."

            "Well, I can't help it.  This is our business.  They don't have to know _everything _about our lives."

            "He's just trying to help, Chandler.  They all are.  You don't complain when they fix us a fancy dinner and leave us alone for the night."

            "I know.  I just…I'd rather them not know."

            "That we're fighting?  All couples fight, Chandler."

            "But we're not exactly "all couples" right now, Mon.  We're "the couple that almost got divorced".  To them, at least.  _We _know that these little fights are nothing major, that's they're just natural, but they all seem to think that one sarcastic comment means we're just going to give up.  I feel like I'm living under a microscope."

            "Me too," Monica admitted, looking down at her hands.  "But they mean well."

            "Maybe they do, but sometimes they just make it worse.  Like tonight.  One minute we're having a relatively civil conversation and the next we're screaming at each other, and it has nothing to do with what we were originally fi- um, discussing.  I don't want to be walking on eggshells, constantly looking to see if somebody's around so we don't say something that isn't happy and lovey-dovey in front of them."

            "Maybe we should just talk to them.  They all know what's going on.  Maybe if we told them to just give us some space…and not to blow things out of proportion… they'll understand.  They just want us to be happy – we both know that."

            "I know they do…" Chandler sighed.  "I should probably go apologize to Joey."

            "Yes, you should.  Both of us should.  But I'm sure he would rather us work this out now than go looking for him."

            Chandler paused, then sat down next to Monica.  "I don't remember what we're supposed to be working out."

            Monica smiled.  A few weeks ago, they would have been dragging fights out and holding grudges for days.  Amazing how "I love you" and some real communication can change everything… Now, the whole thing seemed trivial and stupid.  

"Well…we were talking about the fact that I agreed to be a consultant on the menu for the new restaurant without talking to you about it first," she reminded him quietly, smiling slightly when she realized she had no fear of his response.  At long, long last, they were starting to become Monica and Chandler again.  

            "Oh…yeah."  Chandler paused for a minute, realizing how selfish he had been.  It was just too easy to get upset about the little things when they had been training themselves to do it for so long.  "Listen, I think you should do it.  It's a great opportunity, and it's not like you'll be working double shifts.  It's just a few hours a week, right?  We'll still have plenty of time together."

            "Are you sure?"

            Chandler nodded and smiled at her as he reached for her hands and lifted one to his lips.  "I'm sure.  I never want to hold you back.  I'm sorry I got so upset."

            "But I should have talked to you before I accepted."

            "You were just excited.  I understand."

            Monica smiled and whispered a soft "thank you" as she leaned in to kiss him.  She was happy that their little squabble had been resolved so easily.  For the past few weeks, she had been scared that every disagreement would blow up in their faces.  It was easy to _say _you were going to talk things out, but doing it was often an entirely different story.  Their marriage was still shaky, but it was getting better by the day. 

"Maybe we should thank Joey for jumping in," she murmured, listening contentedly to his heartbeat as her head rested against his chest.

            "I wouldn't go that far.  Knowing Joey, he'll take that as permission to wire the whole apartment so he can come rushing in at the first sign of trouble."

            Monica sat up and gave him an amused smile.  "Don't you think that's a little out of Joey's league?"

            "He had four lines as an FBI agent in a movie three years ago.  He'll think he's qualified."

End Flashback 

            Dr. Grant Evans greeted them as they walked into his office and motioned for them to sit down as he took and final gulp of coffee and sat down with them. 

            "It seems like just yesterday, you two were walking in here looking absolutely terrified.  And now, here you are, ready to go out into the world without my guiding hand," Grant lamented, playing the role of a parent bidding their child goodbye outside college dorm.

            Chandler glanced at Monica, who just smiled.  

            "We _were_ terrified.  But we have to admit, you made us feel right at home."

            "Well, that happens.  Especially when it takes a couple three sessions just to tell me how they met and fell in love."

            "We warned you it was complicated."

            "That you did.   I just didn't believe you.  But I was rooting for the two of you the whole time.  I'm glad you've worked everything out."

            "Yeah," Monica agreed, squeezing Chandler's hand.  "We've come a long way since you first met us."

            **_Flashback – The First Counseling Session (Have you figured out that this is a "flashback" epilogue?)_**

****

"Mr. and Mrs. Bing?"  

            Chandler stood up as their names were read from the clipboard.  Monica stood up, too, a little calmer than her husband, but still nervous.  Chandler extended his hand, hoping it wasn't shaking too much.  

            "I'm Chandler Bing.  This is my wife, Monica."

            "Grant Evans.  Call me Grant, please.  I might _be _a doctor, but I hate being called one."  (AN: I know counselors aren't necessarily doctors, but this one is.  I figured…New York…probably most of those people _are _doctors.)

            Chandler nodded, starting to feel a little more comfortable.  They followed Grant into his office, glancing around before sitting down next to each other on the couch.  Grant noted their choice – his office was arranged so that his desk was facing a semi-circle of two armchairs and a couch, arranged so that the couple would be facing him no matter where they sat - and his first observation of any couple was whether they chose to sit together or apart.  It was always promising when a couple seeking counseling sat down next to each other.  Grant took a seat in one of the armchairs, and glanced at the folder that held the scant information he knew about them already.

            "So, you two have been married five years?"

            Chandler nodded, not sure if he should elaborate – and what to say if he did.  So he just sat there silently, gripping Monica's hand.  

            "Well, I usually like to get some 'history' first, just so I can kind of relate.  Why don't you tell me how you met?"

            "Well…" Monica began, frantically thinking backwards and trying to find the beginning.  "Chandler was my brother Ross's college roommate…"

            "Make yourself comfortable, Grant," Chandler advised him sagely.  "This could take a while…"

            **_End Flashback_**

****

"Well, it might have taken you a long time to tell me your story, but by the time we actually got around to discussing what made you seek counseling, we were all comfortable together, and I felt like I really knew you."

            "You might have been comfortable, Doc," Chandler informed him, using Grant's nickname.  "But we weren't.  We didn't even want to talk about our problems with each other, much less with a 'marriage counselor'."

**            _Flashback_**

            "So…on your wedding day, you found out that the maid-of-honor was pregnant with the best man's child.  The maid-of-honor being Monica's best friend and ex-wife of the best man, who is Monica's brother and Chandler's best friend."

            "Yeah…except we didn't know Ross was the father until later and Chandler thought Phoebe was the one that was pregnant until the next day."

            "Uh huh."  

            "It was a regular soap opera for awhile," Chandler admitted.  "And it just got worse when Joey fell in love with Rachel."

            Grant's eyes widened and he shook his head.  "Don't blame you for finding it hard to concentrate on yourselves.  Sounds like you were just supporting characters in a Greek tragedy."

            "Well…we didn't have a lot of time alone, that's for sure.  But everything was fine for awhile."

            "When did you start having problems?"

            Chandler glanced at Monica, who was suddenly silent.  Obviously, she was designating him to answer this one.

            "Well…"

            (AN:  I'm going to skip this, since you already heard all of it when Chandler explained it to Joey.)

            "…So I told her I would give her a divorce if that's what she wanted," Chandler said, his voice almost breaking as he remembered how heartbroken he had been at that moment.

            "But it wasn't what I wanted," Monica managed to sob.  "I wanted him.  I felt so horrible for ever making him think that I didn't."

            Grant cleared his throat, more affected by their story and their obvious emotions than he had been in a while.  At first, it had been hard for him to listen to stories of happy marriages gone bad, but he had conditioned himself to remain emotionally unattached.  With this couple, however, he was finding it a bit hard.  "So you told each other how you felt and decided to stay together?"

            Chandler and Monica nodded together, looking at each other and smiling slightly.     

            "Yeah.  And that brings us to now."

            "Are you happy now?"

            "For the most part," Monica answered honestly after a brief pause.  "We're still fighting more than we used to, but they're just little fights."

            "Are you talking to each other?"

            They both nodded.

            "About what you did at work today, or about how you feel about the past, the future…?"

            "Both," Chandler answered, looking at Monica, who nodded her agreement.  "But we talk more about how good the lasagna is than we do about our almost-divorce."

            "That's natural.  And it's why you're here.  Now, I want to talk a little more about the job Chandler was offered.  Chandler, were you excited about the job?"

            "No, I didn't even want to take it.  New York is our home.  All of our friends and our family is there – well, Monica's family anyway."

            "So why didn't you just say no and leave it at that?"           

            "Because…well, I at least wanted to talk about it with Monica.  It would have meant a lot more money, even though that wasn't terribly important.  And I would never make such a big decision without at least giving her a chance to have her say."

            "You didn't want to go either, did you Monica?"

            Monica shook her head slowly.  "No…for all of those reasons.  And, well, we'd already had periods where things weren't so great between us.  I was afraid that a big move like that would not be good for our marriage.  Not to mention that big promotions usually mean lots more hours.  I didn't want him to be away from home all the time.  I already felt like we didn't have enough time together."

            "You never told me that," Chandler commented quietly, gazing at her.

            "I was afraid you'd think I was being selfish."

            "So instead you just told me it wasn't an option?"

            "It just came out, Chandler.  I didn't mean to sound so harsh.  It was already out of my mouth before I had time to think about it.  And then you threatened to go without me…I got defensive.  You scared me."

            "I didn't mean it.  You know I would never go anywhere without you."

            "I know," Monica assured him.  "I even knew it then, but in the heat of the moment…"

            "Mon, I have to know.  Did you _ever_ think that I wasn't putting my whole heart into having a baby?"

            "No.  I – I can't believe I even said that.  I know you were just as upset as I was when we didn't get pregnant.  I…I guess I just wanted to hurt you like you hurt me by saying you'd go to Jacksonville without me."

            "You did hurt me.  I felt like you were blaming me."  That was a surprise, even to Chandler.  He'd never put that feeling into words, even in his own head.

            "Oh, sweetie.  Of course I wasn't blaming you.  It just wasn't the time for a baby.  It wasn't your fault…and it wasn't mine," she finished quietly, her tone telling both Chandler and Grant without a doubt that she had thought it was – probably for years.  

            They all sat silently for a few minutes, contemplating this.  After a dramatic pause, Grant closed his folder and stood up.

            "I'm going to get some coffee.  I'll see you guys next week."

_            **End Flashback**_

****

"Did we ever tell you that we talked all night after that session?" Monica asked Grant.  "About everything… We were exhausted the next morning, but we finally knew for sure that we were going to be okay."

            "I could tell.  The next you came in, both of you were smiling and so enthusiastic.  I knew the rest of my job was going to be easy.  And now," Grant shut the file on his desk dramatically and swung his feet down to the floor.  He looked toward his favorite clients and shook his head sadly.  "My job is over.  Consider yourselves graduates of the Grant Evans School of Happy Marriages."

            Monica flashed Chandler a smile as they stood up together, and Chandler grinned back at her.  It wasn't exactly a ceremony, but he **_had_** said "graduates".

            "Thanks, Grant," Chandler said as he shook Grant's hand.  

            "My pleasure.  Give me a call if you need anything, okay?"

            "We will," Monica promised, giving Grant a quick hug.  He had become more of a friend than a counselor over the past months – a friend they _paid_, Chandler always pointed out sarcastically.

            After bidding Grant a final farewell, Chandler and Monica made their way out of the office and down the hallway.  As the elevator door closed behind them, leaving them alone, Chandler pulled his wife into his arms and kissed her tenderly.

            "Well, Mrs. Bing, since you're all dressed up already, how 'bout I take you out to celebrate the fact that the medical community has told us that we're going to live happily ever after?"

            Monica smiled at him as she wrapped her arms around his waist.  "I have no objection."

            "Good.  We have reservations at Olivier's in half an hour." 

            Monica gave him a quick kiss, then stepped away as the doors opened and they walked out into the lobby.  They quickly decided to leave the car where it was and walk the few blocks to the restaurant – after Chandler made sure the shoes she was wearing were not so uncomfortable that he would end up carrying her piggyback.  

            They arrived at the restaurant right on time, and were ushered to their table.  After they sat down, ordered wine, and finally decided on their entrées, Chandler reached across the table and took one of Monica's hands in his.  

            "I have a surprise for you."

            Monica raised her eyebrows suspiciously, though her smile revealed that she was really just curious.

            "What kind of surprise?"

            Chandler grinned at her and reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out two brochure-like books and slapping them down on the table in front of Monica.  She picked the top one up, glancing at the front curiously before her eyes widened.  She glanced at Chandler, who was watching her with an excited grin, and opened it slowly.  She gasped as she read the ticket and looked back at Chandler.

            "This is a plane ticket to Paris."

            "I know.  One for you, one for me."

            Monica looked at the plane ticket in her hands and back at Chandler.

            "Honey, this is wonderful, but…?"  She let the question trail off, hoping Chandler would offer some explanation.  He just smiled and removed the ticket from her hand – laying it on the table with its match – then leaned in to kiss her forehead.

            "Well, you know how Rachel keeps saying we're acting more like newlyweds now than we did when we first got married?"

            Monica nodded with a knowing smile, but her eyes stayed locked on his.

            "Well…I thought a second honeymoon would be a good idea.  It'll give us some time to be alone, and… well, since we're kind of starting over, I thought it could sort of 'reaffirm' our marriage.  I got the idea months ago, but I wanted to wait until everything was good between us again.  And we _are _good.  We're really good."  Chandler paused and smiled as his wife, who was giving him that sentimental smile that he loved.  "And since we've finished our counseling now, it kind of seems like the signal of our new beginning, you know?"

Monica nodded, her eyes shining.  "That's exactly what I was thinking."

Chandler gave her a light kiss on the lips, then continued in a low voice.  "When we first got engaged, we talked about a honeymoon in Paris, but then we decided to do the typical "tropical paradise" thing.  I thought…maybe you'd still like to have a honeymoon in Paris.  The "City of Love" seems like an awfully good place for us to be right now."

            Monica reached up to caress his cheek, then let her hand slide through his hair as she gave him a long kiss.

            "That sounds absolutely wonderful."

            Chandler smiled, obviously pleased with himself.  "And I thought – since we'll be in the general vicinity already – that we could stop in London for a night.  Just to relive certain memories."

"Yeah…those are good memories.  Who would've thought…" she teased him.

            Chandler started to kiss her again, then looked around at all the people sharing the room with them. "I kinda wish we were already in Europe," he whispered to her.

            "Well, babe, we leave in…" Monica picked up the tickets and glanced at the date.  "Three weeks."  She smiled and squeezed his hand.  "In the meantime, we can practice…"

            Chandler smiled seductively and lightly ran his hand over her thigh, just as the waiter appeared, their plates in hand.  Chandler glanced at Monica, who was looking at him.

            "To go?" 

            "Yeah, good idea," Monica assured him hurriedly.

            Chandler nodded to the waiter, anxious to leave the restaurant.  "Two to-go boxes please.  And bring us our check."  Seeing the confused look on the waiter's face, Chandler shrugged.  "We're going to Paris."

            Monica laughed as the waiter turned back around, taking their plates with him, and leaned over to kiss Chandler.

            "I love you, sweetheart."

            Chandler smiled and leaned his forehead against hers.

            "I love you, too.  And I can't wait to start the rest of our lives together." (AN: I can't remember the exact words he used when they were coming back from their honeymoon, outside the door?  Anyway, referring to that.)

            "Hmm…the good thing about Paris is that there are no seashell necklaces."

            "Don't worry.  Remember that hat Joey found in London?  I can still find plenty of ways to embarrass you."

            "I guess I'll have to keep you in the hotel room the whole time."

            "Is that a threat or a promise?"


End file.
